Tatus Food Fantasy Blog

Bumbling mumbling crumbling

Some may never understand this phobia, admittedly its mightily strange. I am terrified of making desserts, as in sweaty palms, eye ball rolling, teeth gritting in Fanger (fear-anger).
All those rules to be followed, unable to make changes once that bastard cake has been shoved in the sweltering oven, that no doubt you shall burn your fingers, arms, hands, eyelashes, arm hair and SOUL on! And the MESS! Oh the mess, it reduces me to tears.
Flour, sugar granuals, sticky bits of half dried egg yolk, spilt splatters of milk, multiple mixing bowls, wooden spoons, spatulas, bits of baking papers, butter slowly melting into an unnoticed puddle on the counter top… and that’s before you approach the dreaded icing! “Oh but its so worth it when its done”, they say. No it blimming well is not! Take three bites and suddenly every drop of water in your body and mouth evaporates, you know the post sugar crash will come along with a head ache and the urgent need for a nap regardless of the ultra-caffeinated drink you had as an accompaniment. And then the sugar come down and hangover creeps up along….. How, I ask, it this so worth it?
Rant over, you now know never to expect a Sunday morning whatsapp message with an image of a perfectly made Victoria sponge, “Yay, look what I made! Girls tea Party coming right up!!!”. Never, ever, ever, ever!
Oh and have I mentioned that I cannot stand whipped cream? A crime I call it.

Anyway rant over, I am slowly over coming it and have in my 30 years made a grand total of 3 cakes – two of which were disasters. I thought the sugar content was far to great so just slashed it but 80%… you can imagine I was rewarded with a burnt carrot flavoured rock. The only time I was successful I followed the recipe for a stick toffee number, or maybe it was a date cake. It was beautiful, but knowing the amount of sugar in that brown mass put me right off.

So now when I absolutely have to make something sweet you can expect sugar free crumbles, sugar free cacao avocado desserts, chia puddings, paleo banana pancakes, spiced stewed and baked fruit, whacky fruit salads and a square or two of an Om Bar (only vegan raw chocolate I have found worth eating).

However only yesterday I suddenly felt it was time! The twice yearly voluntary dessert preparation was upon me. My dear friend Sapna tapping away at her iPad the ingredients I threw together in haste, luckily so as it was a pretty delicious fruit crumble with a black pepper and firey spiced topping. Have a wee look below for a somewhat guilt free dessert that looks as rustic as you like – hipsters eat your heart out for this West London creation. Hee hee

Crumbling – the how to
Pre-heat oven to 180*C (170*C fan assisted)

Ingredients

6 pears chopped into four, stalk removed
2 cups of forest fruits, or your berry of choice

Layer the pears and berries in a medium deep baking dish, I use a glass one so I can see all teh delicious colours running together, a bake in teh oven for 20-30 minutes whilst you prepare the remaining ingredients.

In a large pan on a low heat add teh following ingredients:
2 cups porridge oats
1/2 cup rude health sprouted whole flour
2 tbsp coconut butter
1/2 tsp mixed spice
3/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger (fresh if possible)
2 generous pinches salt
a very generous pinch of cracked black pepper
1 tbsp of your favourite honey
1 tbsp coconut syrup and 1 tbsp of honey or agave
2 tbsp sesame seeds
2 tbsp pine nuts

stir the ingredients in the pan until the air is aromatic with spices and the mixture begins to change colour ever so slightly. Transfer the toasted mixture to the baking dish with the cooked fruits an bake for a further 20 minutes or until golden brown on top.

Serve with Creme Fraiche, almond milk custard, coconut yogurt, cashew cream, vegan ice creame anything you fancy really 🙂

We discovered it is rather delicious for breakfast with greek yogurt!